Jamie Ichigo’s Blog

most people who know me think that it is easy to be a person like me - fun,bubbly,friendly and always hve something to talk about and make people laugh…but they have no idea how hard it is to be me..personally,i’m not your average-type girl who is friendly and fun…why?

1) i make friends with others but i rarely like all of them…there will always be something about them that i dont like…but who cares,i’m sure not all my friends like me..

2) i try so hard to hide my feelings about things that i dont agree or like for the sake of "jaga hati orang lain"

3) i pendam semua perasaan "ingin memiliki" because i know people wont agree with what i want…and left me heartbroken…

4) always have to mengalah dekat orang lain..even though i’ve been labelled as the stubborn one by my family,still i have to give up for the sake of others…

5) i cry silently,alone and no one knows about it when it comes to dealing with my own problems (about life)…people think they know me well (including best friends) but actually they dont…there are a lot of things that i kept sendiri..

6) people always misunderstood about me..they think i’m the "bad one" and always create a scene but the truth is i will play as the villain part when i feel that ada orang yg try nak carik pasal dengan aku n rakan2..i mean,what the hell are they thinking,messing around with people like us?

7) again,people misunderstood me of being the "budak jahat" because i rather hang out with the average people as compared to bebudak yang "kuat agama". this makes the "budak2 kuat agama" agak anti kat aku dan kalau boleh nak pulaukan aku..tapi ade setengah member2 baik aku tak kena pulau pun? sebab diorang nampak baik ker? see…misconception!

orang tak pernah nampak kelebihan aku…semua yang nampak ialah kekurangan aku…diorang tak tgk kebaikan aku…yang diorang nampak ialah keburukan aku… maybe disebabkan aku ni bukan jenis yang serious so they think i’m not serious in everything…duh!!

9) aku suke buat hal sendiri tapi ade gak yang suke nyebok pasal hal peribadi aku..isk..

10) aku susah nak bagitau orang aku suke dia sebab aku tau,diorang tak leh terima kenyataan tu…ye aa..sape aa aku…and aku juga tak berani nak bgtau org about my feeling coz i’m afraid that the feelings i had for them will fade away..how?

11) just because i’m a "selamber" person,doesnt mean that i dont have feelings…people always make fun and harsh jokes on me that makes my heart hurts sooo much but still i kept quiet and pretend that it was nothing…

12) whenever me and my friends argue about something, they always say something that hurt my feelings but aku asyik senyap je,malas nak lawan…tapi kekadang kalau dah tak tahan tu aku "fire" balik…

13) aku suke ikut mood in doing anything…kalau aku takde mood tu tolong aa jgn paksa…aku tak suke orang paksa aku buat benda aku tak suka…

14) aku jenis yang kurang suke cerita dekat orang ape yang aku rasa selama ni…again,aku pendam sensorang…tapi aku suke dengar citer orang…masalahnya,orang kata aku nyebok..isk…

15) aku tak suke orang halang aku buat benda yang aku suka and cari pasal ngan aku…kalau aku dah tak tahan tu,mmg aa aku akan meletup n korang kene tahan aa dengar aku maki hamun…

rasanya tu saja kot aku rasa sebab ape susah jadi aku ni…aku kat luar je happy tapi sebenarnya aku seorang yang memendam rasa dan sensitive…GO FIGURE!!

p/s: I’m not an angel with dirty faces…i’m more like a devil with a good heart..

"Love changes,changes everything
Love makes you fly…"

sounds familiar? this is what happened when you’ve fallen in love with someone…it will change you to someone new..or worst,it will change you to someone who is not you at all…a total different person!!

actually,ni bukannya tak bagus tapi aku kurang agree dengan situasi ni…sebab cinta,kita sanggup berubah…kalau cinta kepada Tuhan membuatkan kita berubah,then i don’t mind at all…ni masalahnya,cinta terhadap orang lain telah membuatkan dia berubah menjadi different person itu yang aku tak setuju…

aku bukan manusia yang anti-bercinta tapi aku jenis manusia yang anti dengan orang-orang yang bercinta mengikut nafsu semata-mata…there are a lot of people out there yang bercinta mengikut nafsu…ade yang berubah ke tahap teruk…for example,masa belum jumpe pakwe, dia ni seorang yang sopan santun dan berbudi bahasa serta berpakaian sopan..tapi bila dah bercouple,mak datuk…dressing dah berubah..perangai makin teruk…ape nak jadi?

ade gak yang berubah jadi sopan sikit tapi ade gak certain golongan yang aku tak gemar…ni golongan yang berubah sebab pakwe suruh…yang mak bapak dok brot bret berleter kat rumah suruh pakai sopan,perangai sopan tu taknak la pulak dengar…bile laki pakwe suruh je terus nak ikut…apa guna mak bapak jaga dari kecik?

sekali tu aku tgk dlm tv…minah ni mulanya tomboy..ganas nak mampus tp bile dah ade yang berkenan,terus berubah jadi pompuan "girly girl" yang aku sendiri menyampah nak tengok…for me,it’s okay if you want to change but jgn terlalu drastik…tak yah aa korang jadi lemah gemalai giler because of one guy…laki ni kalau suka kita for who we are pun dah kire bagus aaa…

falling in love also will cause us to lie to others, especially friends…maybe sebab taknak heboh yang dia sedang mabuk asmara,dia curik2 lari dari kawan just utk cakap or jumpe pakwe dia…this kind of people pun aku tak suke sangat…ye la,ckp je laa kalau dah ade pakwe…nanti kawan2 paham aa kalau nak privacy…rite?

betul la kuasa cinta ni mmg kuat,mampu mengubah almost everything dlm hidup kita..tapi kita sendiri kena pandai2 "balance" kan dengan hidup kita…kan?

kalau korang baca ni mesti korang ingat aku ni mmg anti laki or mmg anti bab2 mcm ni kan? well,actually..NO!i’m just expressing myself je…letting people know what i’m thinking about people around me…it’s not like i want to judge other people but different people have different opinion,right? orang lain pun ade pendapat sendiri and that’s their rights to express what they feel tanpa ada orang lain untuk mengkritik dan mengkondem pendapatnya…hey,we’re living in democracy country..everybody has rights to talk,rite?

p/s: whatever…

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way

p/s: whatever i do,i’ll do it my way…(!)

well,orang kata kalau dah takdir tu takdir jugak la kan…kalau dah jodoh tu tak kemana…kalau tak jumpe kat ofis (sebelah menyebelah), kat tempat lain pun boleh jumpa kan?

keputusan aku untuk balik dengan komuter memang tak sia-sia…walaupun banyak duit aku habis tapi aku tetap puas hati…bukannya apa…aku dah jumpe dengan orang yang aku cari selama ni…dan aku jumpa dia dekat tempat yang aku suke hang out sorang diri - Starbucks…

wei, korang fikir aku dah jumpe pakwe ke?? hahahaha….yaaa…aku dah jumpe ngan doktor hati aku…Dr.Fadzley a.k.a Abang Asmara…hihihihi…begini ceritanya…aku baru je sampai ke KL Sentral masa "nafsu" untuk minum di Starbuck melonjak2 dlm hati aku…aku rasa aku nak pekena Hot Chocolate favourite aku so aku pun terus menonong ke Starbucks…mulanya aku tak perasan pun dia kat situ…n aku terus letak beg aku kat kerusi dan beli minuman kegemaran aku…masa aku nak ambik minuman aku tu,aku "terperasan" ada orang tgh pandang kat arah aku so aku tgh aa balik (kot2 aa kwn lama)…sekali Dr.Fadzley tu…haiyak…dah la muke aku masa tu tgh serious giler…malu seh…tapi dia senyum kat aku dulu (maybe sebab dia rasa aku dah sedar yang dia tu Dr.Fadzley..) so aku senyum la balik…orang tua kata, kalau ade orang senyum kat kita,kita kena senyum balik…kan? so takpe aaa…ditakdirkan pulak,meja aku kat sebelah meja dia…what a coincidence…tu la..kalau dah jodoh tak kemana…wakakaka… sepanjang aku lepak kat situ, tangan aku menggeletar giler…pegang cawan pun dah tak betoi…hati aku dok menjerit-jerit…  "IZAAAAAAAA, AKU JUMPE DR.FADZLEY!!" aku ingat iza je sebab kitorang selalu sembang macam mane nak ngorat mamat yang ofis dia sebelah ofis aku ni…hahaha…dan aku selalu cakap kat iza yang aku akan jumpe dia…finally,aku jumpe juga…BINGO!!

ingatkan nak lepak lagi tapi aku teringat kat abah…mesti dia tau aku dah sampai KL..so aku terpaksa angkat beg2 aku menuju ke LRT..huhuhuhu…sedih sebab tak jumpe lagi ngan doktor hati aku…wakakkaka…sampai je rumah, orang first yang aku call ialah IZA…iza yang tengah masak maggi seronok mendengar citer aku pasal doktor kesayangan kami tu…excited giler…hahahhaa…wei iza..jumpa juga akhirnya….

so..apa yang aku dapat simpulkan kat sini ialah

a) kalau kita selalu berdoa (tanpa harapan yang tinggi menggunung),kita akan dapat apa yang kita impikan
b)orang yang kita cari tu ada je disekeliling kita…satu hari nanti jumpe gak…
c) minumla kat Starbuck selalu….hahahahaa

p/s: doktor hati dah jumpe…Mr.Squall biler lagi? (call me!!)

kalau ade orang yg tak reti nak baca "sign",that person will be me…hahaha,funny when i think back about this…semalam aku dlm komuter from seremban, going back to KL…tetiba perut aku dok nyanyi lagu rock so aku pun dengan seronoknye makan bandito pocket aku tu…ade aa sorang makcik ni dok usha aku semacam..hek ele..poyo je makcik ni…aku buat bodo je aa sambil makan bandito aku dengan happynya…sekali bile dah habis makan,mata aku dok melilau2 dlm train and i saw the signs of "NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING AND NO EATING" …how stupid was that?

malu aku dowh..tapi aku still wat selamber sambil dengar CD Backstreet Boys aku…(diq,sedap aa sumer lagu dia..)…kalau korang nk tau,volume yg aku pasang mmg tahap nak pekak telinga orang tapi still aku leh dengar suara makcik yg usha aku makan tadi tengah cakap telefon…kuat ke tak kuat kalau macam tu?kalah volume discman aku wei…hahaha….GO FIGURE!!

p/s: trying too hard to be good (but not perfect!!)

kepulangan aku ke melaka definitely menjanjikan sesuatu yang baru dalam hidup aku…mmg aku pulang untuk supplementary exam tapi dari situ aku dapat sesuatu yang amat berguna dlm hidup aku…

my meeting with cikgu hishamuddin promised me something bright in my future…when he asked me why did i failed to attend the class as well as in the final exam,i gave him a reason that i had some serious problems (which i thought was lame excuses as dah ramai orang kasi alasan macam tu) but true! i did have some serious problems that makes me sick of attending the classes and truly ignore my studies…then he told me some stories about things that we’ve discussed before and slowly i told him about my problems…he said i shouldn’t run from it and i should face them and that will make me more success…i also told him that i’m not interested in marketing anymore and i want to take psychologhy instead…he said i should go on and ignore what people may say about it…(which i think it’s sooo true…the hell with others..i’ll do what i wanna do…)…after nearly 1 hour discussion, he finally gave me some tips for the supplementary exam and i aced it..thanks, cikgu for the inspiration….

enuff bout that…sekarang aku nak citer pasal lain…one thing yg aku suka balik melaka ialah jumpa ngan kawan2 aku…best giler hang out ngan diorang…macam2 kitorang borak…seminggu lepak ngan kawan2 without fikir pasal kerja or study best gak…things that we discussed about was the guy i like back in mmu…after a few heartbreak and heartache about this guy, i finally confront it to my friends..each of them gave me the same solution - JUST FORGET ABOUT HIM!! which i think i should do because i cannot take it anymore…i’m not a doormat, dicari apabila diperlukan…and waiting for him is like waiting for a rain in the drought, useless and disappointing…so i think i should forget about him and move on…thanks dear friends…and thanks for sokong me to go on with someone that i used to (and still!!) like back in high school..hihihihi…

so, that’s about it…i think i’ve made it clear and i hope you guys are happy with my statement…till then, ta-ra

p/s: Clean and Clear….

okay,so now i am confused…i don’t know if i should go on with marketing or should i change to something else?…my heart is crying out loud, telling me that i should take apply for oversea university and change to psychology course and of course, run away from here…but then, my mind kept reminding me about the responsibilities that i have and the family that i have to support…i mean, my family who supported me..if this is more important, then i have to remain in Malaysia, work in marketing field and pendam semua impian dan perasaan aku selama ni…when i think back about this, i realised that i’ve sacrified a lot of things about me…i dah pendam segala perasaan dan impian yg aku dah tanam selama ni just to make my family happy…but what about me?why can’t i be happy with my own decision?

i’ve talked to my other supervisor during lunch break and she told me about her…how she started working here and so on…when i heard about that, i feel sorry becoz she didn’t get the chance to go to the university macam dia impikan selama ni…she had to work after she finished her STPM because her father was sick and didn’t get the chance to go to the university since then..but she did go to the college…but,college??

when i told her what i’ve been thinking all the time, she told me to do what i want to do and go for it…i mean,how worse can it be?dia kata kalau buat benda yang kita tak suka pun tak guna jugak kan?i told her that my dad won’t allow me to go oversea since ramai org berjaya dekat local university ni tapi dia tak fikir ke perasaan aku?aku nak buat semua ni pun sebab aku nak balas balik ape yg dia dah bagi kat aku selama ni..aku tau la yg aku dah screwed up everything masa PMR n SPM tapi aku nak tebus balik semua tu…kalau dia kasik chance kat aku lagi sekali, aku janji aku akan bagi yg the best…

mmg la org kata kalau nak org kasik peluang kat kita sekali lagi,kita kena buktikan yg kita boleh dpt results elok dlm periksa tapi….kalau aku tak minat marketing,macam mana aku nak dpt results elok?mcm ne aku nak  dpt scholarship utk buat 2nd degree?macam mana aku nak make sure yg impian aku jadi kenyataan?

aku tatau nak kata apa lagi since kepala otak aku berserabut ngan mende2 ni..tambah pulak aku kena amik supple exams minggu depan..lagi la serabut… **sigh..**

p/s:  Soon we must all face the choice between what is right..and what is easy.. 

thank god the managers are having their meeting now…i’d be caught dead if my supervisor sees me busy on the computer…

"why are u so busy on the computer,azimah?" the same question that she asked every single day when she saw me grinning devilishly over the email that i’ve received from old pals…well,i couldn’t tell the truth, could i?

"i’m working on my reports…" the same answer that i gave everytime she asked me..i hope she’ll buy that…and why on earth should i tell her what exactly i’ve been doing at that time..i don’t want to be  dead duck…yet!!

my supervisor is not mean but she’s strict..and dedicated,as i can see…and she’s always busy -meeting people, talking on the phone,smoking…for all i care..but she’s a great lady…and always scolds and starts shoving me when
a) i didn’t go out for lunch
b) i go home late
okay..she’s a caring person, apart from the fact that she did not understand the need of "using the computer and the internet and get busy with it"…i’m a college student and i’m a teenager..need i say more?

still, she’s suffering from short-term memory loss since she didn’t really remember the "homework" that she gave me…(i.e writing the press release) and i have to help her to recall every single detail…well,i’m the assistant-cum-secretary of PR manager rite?

well, gotta run…she’s here already..till then, ta-ra

p/s: love thy jobs

I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair
I hate it when you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate you big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
I hate you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you’re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
and even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around
and the face that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you
not even close, not even a little bit..
not even at all!!

p/s: I never hate you at all…NEVER…

semalam first time aku makan kat employee’s cafeteria kat pan pac ni..mula2 aku takmau pi makan..tapi perut ni dah menyanyi-nyanyi lagu "Helena" sambil mengelupur kecik…kalau dia nyanyi lagu "What If" tu aku leh aa tahan lagi..huhuhuhu…so aku pun menyelinap masuk ke cafeteria ngan kawan baru aku,Maya (budak indonesia yg belajar kat KDU n training kat sini)…comei gak budak Maya ni…aku ingat melayu..buddhist rupanya…hihihi

anyway,memori aku terus kembali ke zaman aku di MRSM sebaik sahaja kaki aku melangkah masuk ke dalam cafeteria tu…mana tak nyer…serupa DS daa cafeteria dia (diq,hang ingatkan DS kat MRSM macam mana?)…aku pun terus amik tray n isi makanan aku…pastu aku duduk dan makan bersama Maya, Low ngan Ms Shiow Ling…hohohoho…trainee makan semeja ngan manager…hebat dowh…hihihi…makanan dia pun not bad laa…tak macam kat MRSM…dan yg pentingnya, takde "perisa tambahan"…tau tak "perisa tambahan" tu aper? hmm..meh nak cakap…masa kat MRSM dulu, dlm lauk mesti ada terlekat lipas laa,katak kecik laa,riang-riang laa…pendek kata segala mak nenek binatang dan unggas dimasak bersama…bila aku ingat balik, heyy…tak lalu nak makan…

sebenarnya apa yang aku nak simpulkan kat sini ialah tak kira apa pangkat korang kat Pan Pacific ni (except for GM), korang akan makan kat kafeteria gak…korang manager ke, budak housekeeping ke…semua berkumpul kat kafeteria tu jugak..hihihihi…ternyata pangkat bukan tiket untuk berlagak okay…kekadang tu lawak gak tgk manager dengan blazernya duduk kat kafeteria untuk lunch…

okla..takat ni saja dapat aku tulis pasal kafeteria tu…nak beralih pada report training aku lak..till then,wassalam…

p/s: I saw your face on the crowded place and I don’t know what to do…